All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
