Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
