Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
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...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
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At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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