how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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