well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
