Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
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It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
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he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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