Rock
Scissors
Fuck
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize