You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
