they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
