Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
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