listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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