Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
