Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
