hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
