I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
