We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Randomize
