I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize