Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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