walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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