How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
