My girlfriend figured out who you are.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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