I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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