You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
