So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
