So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
