I hope mine doesn't look like that
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
