I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
