Say something about gay babies.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
