I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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