he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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