and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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