So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
