Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
