1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
