If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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