i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
