nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
