Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
My vagina is very pro this idea
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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