How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
