I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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