My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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