..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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