I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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