He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
