Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
