dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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