love makes seman taste better
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
