And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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