I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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