Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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