I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
