Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
