Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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