When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
