Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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