It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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