brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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