No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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