I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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