When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
