No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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