i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
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I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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