the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
