I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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