11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
should my penis look like a turkey
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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