i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
