im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
