so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
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Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
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wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm sobbing to NWA
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
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