put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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