just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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