I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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