Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
