Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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