I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
