just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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