didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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