do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
