I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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