Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I am one with the molecules
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
