He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Randomize
