So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
