Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
