butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
