I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
