I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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